Pseudo Smiles
by BlackNarcissus
Summary: Though the fall kills me.....For a moment I will Fly. SaiHina
1. E n v y

**Part 1**- Envy

The night was cold and chill as the wind blew against the windowpane of his bedroom window. He watched silently at the streaks of water creating patterns on the glass. The digital clock on the nightstand by his bedside blinked. Twelve midnight it read.

Lying lazily on the bed in his small quaint apartment. His eyes wandered around the room to the table which was covered with stacks of parchment and bottles of shadow colored ink. Along with a few cases of pastels and small set of paint brushes .

He got up off the bed after a few moments and changed into another wardrobe that would be fit to wear outside.

Black shinobi attire which consisted of dark pants and a dark matching half top that revealed his firm abdomen, black shinobi footwear and as for accessory a shuriken holister attached to his right lower thigh to complete it. That was his choice of clothing.

Art and ninjitsu is a way of life for ninjas. So is battle and war.

He left the residence afterward and started down the empty alley towards the bar that was just around the corner. Just as he was about to make a turn left he heard a voice from above him.

"Strolling around in the middle of the night?" Said in a rather annoying childlike tone.

Sai looked up to where the voice was coming from. "Naruto Kun?" he whispered looking up at the blonde haired boy above him who was leaning against the railing of the third story balcony.

"What do you want _baka kitsune_?" Sai breathed under his breath. Naruto's expression screwed up due to Sai's rude choice of words.

"What! What did you say! Come up here and say it to my face you jerk!" Naruto was very outraged. Sai started to leave. "Hey! Where are you going! Hey come back here, don't you turn your back on me you freak! Hey!"The fox boy had shouted at the top of his lungs.

Sai ignored Naruto's retort and began to quicken his pace towards his intended destination.

Just then a swift sliding sound of a window pulled open. "What the hell are you yelling about now you stupid faced blonde boy!" Shouted an agitated voice from across the alley.

Sai's dark eyes connected to a pair of black pupil's that had once been crimson red the first time he'd seen them. Those pitch dark eyes that is at this time glaring at him belonged to a man name Uchiha Sasuke.

He was the last person Sai wanted confrontation with. And to avoid any conflict he diverted his gaze and left the scene quickly as possible

He walked for quite a while and as he was walking many thoughts came rushing to his mind.

Thoughts of Naruto and his relationship with others. The special bond the kitsune boy had with his colleagues, with Sasuke.

He remembered one time asking Naruto _that _question.

_Flashback of three years ago_

Sai: "For a friend you would be willing to go though all this pain?"

Naruto: "No."

Sai:….?

Naruto: "That person is not just a friend. That person is an important person who I would be willing to sacrifice everything for."

Sai: "……………Even if he did nothing for you?"

Naruto: "Yes."

_End of flash back._

Sometimes he wonder why he himself can't be more like that. To having a relationship with another person and forming a bond with them.

At some times Sai really envied Naruto.

His ability and part of his special personality to somehow connect with another person. Even though the fact of him being "different" didn't stop him from making friends.

That was something Sai had admired. And he hated himself because of it.

_The relationship you share with another person, whether your role in that person's life is big or small is something special. It is a bond which could never be broken._

For most of his life he was close to only a few people. His close friend who considered a brother and his master Danzo-dono.

Sai snapped out of his thoughts and realized he was already here. The place where he wanted to be.

He glanced at the sign above the structure. Kobato's Tavern.

As he stepped into the shady bar the first thing he noticed was that it was nearly empty for the exception of two or three others inside.

He took a seat in the front of the bartender's counter where a burly man was serving drinks.

"A bottle of sake please." He told the man.

The man looked up with calmness in his eyes from behind the counter. The old gentleman wasn't surprised to see him because Sai had came here often.

" Will it be the usual?" stated the old man.

" No. Not tonight. Do you have something that is stronger?" requested Sai. He picked up a crystal glass in front of him and traced his slender fingers around the rim of it.

" Sure, of course. I hope I'm not being noisy" the old gentleman hesitated for a moment. "But why do you keep coming here for the last several weeks?" He gave a nervous chuckle "I think I'm beginning to know you more than your family."

Sai glanced out the window and with a toneless reply said " I don't have any family." And he left the question at that.

The man gave a sigh and opened the cabinet beneath the counter. He pulled out a black glossy bottle tied to it was a red adornment. Something you normally see or drink during joyful happy occasions.

He got out a sake cup that looked like hollow saucers which were traditionally used to drink sake. Placed the cup in front of Sai he poured him the glossy translucent liquid to almost the rim.

Sai picked the cup of sake up but didn't drink it. " I don't have that much money." he affirmed the man.

" I know." the man simply said.

"Artists don't make much money selling portraits and drawings, do they?" he began wiping the panel with a rag. "Well at least not in this country. I suppose. People are more interested in sending children to private academies to be trained into assassins."

"I guess" answered Sai. He drained all the liquid in the cup. "More please." He held out the cup to the man to pour him some more of that liquid ecstasy.

After about twenty-five or so swigs of sake. The effect of it was starting to get to him. He was feeling a bit tipsy.

" Hey you know if you're going to drink that many you should at least eat something beforehand." Said the old man a bit worriedly.

"It's pretty late. you should head home now. The man told him as he took an intake of air. "I heard it might rain hard tonight."

Sai gave a grunt when he lifted himself off the stool. He held onto the counter to balance himself.

He felt as if his head was about to split open at any given moment. This was a good sign for him he thought. He'll have another dreamless sleep tonight.

Stepping over the threshold of the tavern he was outside in the darkness of the night. Dark clouds loomed overhead. As the scent of wet earth filled his nostrils and blurred his senses.

Looking up at the starless sky droplets of water dotted his cheeks and moisten his eyes. Leaving his skin feeling chilled.

It began to pour as soon as he left the tavern. Going at a running pace he dashes home.

Splashing in pools of water made the legs of his slacks muddy and filthy.

It is quite a distance to get back to his apartment and by the time he got home he was literally soaked to the bones.

When he got to the door he realized he had forgotten his keys inside. Cursing under his breath he kicked the door with a bang but remembered if he made a lot of commotion his landlord might come out.

If he angered the landlord she might throw him out and he didn't want to ask her to open the door for him because he had still owed her money for the last month's rent which he hadn't paid yet.

Besides the scent of liquor on his breath and clothes will suspect her that he had been out drinking.

Spending his earnings on booze instead. That'll definitely get her mad.

Thinking for a moment he had an idea. He was a ninja after all and the skills he learned should be put to some "good" use.

He had broken into high security buildings to recover information before so trying to get into his own house should be a cinch.

The next thing he knew he was outside in the rain again climbing on the sides of the apartment complex.

Carefully stepping on the window stills until he got to his window. He began to pry it open with some tools he had with him. An old metal coat hanger he had found in the dumpster.

Never thought how handy this could be. He thought as he finally lifted the latch of the window and entered his room.

He made his way across the room and opened the door, he quickly peered out to make sure he hadn't woke any of the residence during his attempt to get inside.

Just as he was about to close the door in midway he stopped and realized his body started to feel numb and really heavy.

And before he knew it he was falling back. He hit the ground with a tremendous force it caused the objects nearby to quiver due to his drop. He rolled over onto his side.

Though his body felt really numb from the cold he could still feel the pain surging through his body. He ached all over.

His breath was coming short and fast. He realized his body temperature had changed from cold to burning.

Despite the fact that he was still wet from the rain. Sweat was beading on his forehead and stomach.

Having no strength nor even the will to get up. He laid there and closed his eyes.

**Meanwhile elsewhere …**

A young kunoichi was about to end her long day. Packing up her belongings from her locker compartment and changing out of her white uniform into her informal clothes.

As she zipped up her hooded jacket over her dark blue fishnet halter top. The female tied a knot with the two ends of the fabric on her Konoha hitae-atae.

She looked up at the clock on the wall. Not realizing how late it was she quickly gathered up her things and left the locker room.

Lately work, missions and training had made her extremely busy and not enough time left for her to relax and hang out with her family and friends.

She said her goodbyes to her fellow worker and just when she was about to leave though the exit a female voice stopped her.

"Hinata-san?"

She turned around to see who it was and found herself looking at a strawberry blonde kunoichi.

"Oh…Hello Sakura-san. Did you needed something?" inquired the young woman.

"Shizune-san wanted you to deliver this for her on your way home."

"sure" She accepted the medium sized package that was wrapped in brown paper tied with twine from the medic with the sea foam green eyes.

"Goodnight " Hinata said with a soft smile. As she turned and left to deliver the package.

"Night. Get home safely." the girl replied.

It was still pouring outside hours later. Lucky she had an umbrella with her but it didn't really help keep her clothes dry.

With the package tucked under her arm and the umbrella in her left hand and in her right she held a slip of paper with an address to where she should deliver it.

Hope it's nearby she thought to herself . Few minutes later she arrived at the location.

Clothes a bit damp from the rain. Indigo strand of her hair were dripping wet and plastered to her face.

The apartment didn't have a doorbell to ring so she knocked and the door slightly opened forward a bit.

It's not locked she thought quietly.

"Hello!" She called out.

Her intuition was warning her that something was not right. She felt the bad karma in the air.

"Is anyone home?" She called out again. No answer came.

Hinata was about to leave when suddenly she heard small movement noises coming from the room.

She walked back to the door leaning in closely to the opening and listened carefully. This time she heard a young male groan as if in severe pain.

Hinata placed her hands on the door as if she was about to push them open but retreated. She could be intruding she thought.

But making a quick decision she decided to overcome her differences. This could be a life and death situation.

Whether the person needed or called for her help or not. She wasn't able to ignore it and leave it alone.

She pushed open the door and entered.

The opening of the door broke the silence inside the room. The room was really dark and had a gloomy feeling to it. It was difficult to see anything with out any light.

"Byakugan." whispered softly as she activated her eyes.

She could see better now. Glancing quickly around to make sure nothing was wrong. The room looked normal and there was no sign of disturbance.

The only thing she noticed was the window was ajar as if someone had broken in.

Hinata noticed something on her left side which caught her eye.

She saw a sort or green aura streaming behind the door that she had left wide open.

No it wasn't an aura…..It's chakra.

She pulled the door away and it closed itself with a click and revealed behind it an unconscious person lying on the floor.

"Oh no." She sounded out as she swiftly dropped to the ground along with the umbrella and package.

"What's wrong. Are you okay?" Moving towards him she checked his pulse and breathing. His skin felt cold and clammy.

The good news she found out he was alive…………….

but his heart was beating violently.


	2. E m p a t h y

**Part 2**-Empathy

Somehow Hinata had managed to pull the limp boy onto his bed and wrapped him into a warm blanket.

The boy looked so pale and feverish, his skin was kissed with sweat. Sai was mumbling something in his sleep, words which were incoherent to Hinata's ears.

The window where his bed was next to was open and Hinata leaned over to shut it close so that the cold draft wouldn't enter.

That was when she heard him clearly. "Brother." he murmured under his breath.

"Bro.. Brother?" Hinata wondered. She made her way to the kitchen. There she opened up the fridge and pulled out a tray of ice.

She put the ice in a blue ceramic bowl she had found in a cupboard above the sink and filled water in as well. Her hand reached for the towel hanging from the rack near the sink.

"This should cool the fever down." She thought as she placed the bowl and towel by his bedside. Hinata dipped the cloth in the chilled water and then rung some of it out.

Gently she placed the cloth above his brow. She repeated the procedure until color began to return to his skin.

Hinata notices how troubled he was even in sleep.

Once in a while Sai would continue to murmur things as he slept. "Please…Don't..go." She would hear him repeat over and over. "Don't leave me here all… alone..!" He yelled loudly startling her. "Don't …go don't …don't.. go…."

"Brother…"

She saw something that looked like a tear run down the side of his face. And was surprised at herself when she noticed her hand unconsciously reach out to him.

Her hand was extremely close to his face, which probably intended to wipe away the tears. Her heart suddenly gave a throb then resumed its normal pace.

What was this feeling, Sympathy for his troubled soul? Was it really?

Every now and then she would check his temperature by placing a bare hand on his forehead then neck.

At one point she became startled to see his coal black eyes half lidded then closed. His breathing had already evened out a long time ago.

When she was finally satisfied and his condition had improved that is when she'll decide to leave. She didn't even noticed how late it was because before she realized it, she dozed off.

Abruptly she had awoken when the morning light began to stream between the blinds on the window. Her head was resting on the edge of the bed.

Remembering what she was doing here, she frantically grabs her bag and picks up the package that had been cast off to one side of the room since last night.

She left the package on the table where it would surely be found and made her way to the door not even turning back to see the sleeping form stirring from his slumber.

Sai had awoken and thought he heard the sound of a door closing. He glanced at the door it was closed. The clock by his bedside blinked 6:59 a.m. it read.

He stretched to wake his body from the sleep. That was when the thought hit him.

How did he made it into his bed last when he struggled just to get up from the floor? He wondered.

No memories of last night appeared to him after he had collapsed. He only remembered the dream he had.

His brother was in it. Sai had dreamt of him many times before and in all those times, he remembers calling out to him only to watch him vanish before his eyes.

But this one was different, he dreamt of pallid eyes, slim milky arms and flowing indigo strands. He thought he smelled lavender and green tea.

What? Wait …Smelled? You only see things in dreams not smell them. "Damn I'm going crazy." He thought to himself.

A sharp pain throbbed at his temples. Hangover. "Shit, forgot I got drunk last night." He clutched the sides of his head and got up to go into the kitchen to prepare some hangover remedies.

That's when he finally noticed the bowl of water and towel. "When the hell did I put those there?" He seized them from the side table they were on and carried them to the sink.

Opening the fridge he pulled out a carton of milk and drank right from it but quickly spat out the white creamy liquid when its sour taste told him it had expired.

"Ugh…gross" His face was screwed into a revolting expression. He trashed the carton into a bin.

Sai took out a bottle of ginger tea and drank that to wash away the taste of spoiled milk and to soothe his stomach. For some odd reason he craved for _green_ tea.

He ate some umeboshi that were also good cures for hangovers. His actual remedy consisted of lemon juice added to extremely bitter black coffee, unsweetened just the way he loved.

**A/N: **Geez… two chapters and they never spoke directly to each other. Sai's character is still pretty much in development in the story. I don't want to rush things and screw his character up (he did a pretty good job by himself anyway.) Oh goody House M.D. is on gonna go watch. **Remember to review**.


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